Torture Methods- Method Man Vs. the CIA

Torture is used for varying reasons fam. Some peeps use it for power. Others for humiliation. Others still purely for information.

The Senate Intelligence Committee (LOLOLOLOL) has released its long awaited report on CIA torture techniques. One of the more shocking revelations is that the CIA compensated two Psychologists $80,000,000 for their help in developing our government’s torture techniques. For half that price, it is quite clear the the CIA should have just hired Method Man to do their bidding.

Regardless, our society is now in a situation where we can legitimately compare torture techniques of our government to that of Method Man. Let this serve a reminder for the non-diciples outchea:

We gonna have a little competition to see who be the rougher torture master, broken down by a few overarching categories:

Rectal torture methods

Method Man has a unique method of sewing one’s asshole closed while continuing to feed them, and feed them. You can see what this tactic approaches at time approaches infinity.

The CIA is fully engaged in rectal feeding. Where the CIA purees food and empties the contents into suspected terrorist’s bum hole.

Roughneck Advantage: CIA shits so savage bruh

Sleep Deprivation

Method Man prefers the method of cutting off people’s eyelids whilst feeding them sleeping pills. No chill.  Similar method to his rectal torture methods above, where he forces a biological reaction but manually inhibits natural body releases.

The CIA forced prisoners to stay awake for 180 hours at time using various methods including shackling prisoner’s arms above their heads.

Roughneck Advantage: Method Man those eyelids aint coming back bruh.

Sexual Assault

Method Man prefers to put a hanger on a stove and let it sit there for a few hours, take it off and stick in his subject’s ass like “pssssttt.” We gonna give Mef the benefit of the doubt and claim that such techniques are not sexually driven, just driven in savageness.

In the CIA, sexual assault of prisoners apparently happened regularly and that shit is just plain fucked up. No level of respect given.

Interrogators “included individuals who, among other issues … had reportedly admitted to sexual assault” pic.twitter.com/qcrOaP2O1k

— Eli Clifton (@EliClifton) December 9, 2014

Roughneck Advantage: Method Man. We cannot in good heart give advantage to widespread accusations of sexual assault. The whole hanger thing is only related to pain. It is quite possible the CIA’s actions were very personal and perverted and I award them zero points.

General Physical Abuse

Method Man will put yo nuts on a dresser (just yo nuts) and bang them shits with a spiked fuckin bat. Believe thats a Trump Card B.

The CIA forced detainess to stand on broken bones. Weak Drake shit right there tbh.

Roughneck Advantage: Method Man. Dude pulled out the trump card. Balls and spiked bats just dont mix like VIX and more risk.

 Conclusion:

The CIA, like any Government program, did this with “good” intentions of preventing another terrorist attack on US soil. However savage, whatever this behavior has created in future terrorist activity, they have delivered on the intial goal. Time will tell if America is truly safer as a result of these policies. Regardless, the CIA DIDNT HAVE TO PAY THOSE SOCIAL SCIENTISTS $80,000,000 TO DEVELOP THESE TORTURE TECHNIQUES. SHOULD HAVE JUST HIRED THE WU FAM. ENJOY SOME OG CHAPPELLE BELOW ON THE TOPIC.